Revenge of the "Naked Gown"

With all that I have already been through in my life I've often wondered if I would make a good candidate for a program with the slogan, "Space: The Final Frontier." After all, once again I have gone where no man has gone before. It seems I rarely hesitate to take advantage of opportunities to plunge ahead into the unknown and yesterday was just another example of the frontiersman in me. The situation with my ankles was not progressing toward healing as we hoped so yesterday afternoon we made a visit to the ER at Hendrick hospital (Kevin, if you are reading I was close to calling a chaplain to come visit me but they didn't have to amputate my leg after all :-) ) There they proceeded to run a multitude of tests in order to rule out things such as cellulitis, blood clots, problems with blood ciruclation and plenty of other long technical terms with which I about found myself tongue-tied trying to repeat. My biggest fear throughout the whole traumatic adventure though was having to put on the dreaded hospital gown and for a while I thought I might escape such a horror. However, the nurses just made me to believe I wouldn't have to go down that road and then wham--the "naked gown" struck with full force. I was told I had to put it on because they had to perform some doppler test on me but I wasn't sure what the weather had to do with anything.

Thankfully throughout the process I was blessed with the presence of my very supportive and loving wife as well as a wonderful couple in our small group--we'll just call them Mark and Debbie in order to protect their privacy. It quickly became obvious that if we weren't close to this couple before we sure are now as they were present for all kinds of inside information which I'm sure they now regret with great embarassment. I was encouraged by something Debbie had to say to me though ( I guess you could call it encouraging) when it came time to experience the combination of my bobo (translation backside or tush, whichever you prefer) and a shot of steroids because she was quick to point out I had a nice "target" for the nurse to place a rather long, sharp and menacing needle. Of course this encouragment came from a former nurse who in her prime (of nursing that is) was used to sticking, as far as I understand plenty of old men with needles in the backside which consisted of much more glutimus minimus than maximus. I guess I can consider that coment about my "target" a complement. In the end they diagnosed me with an acute flare-up of my arthritis combined with some form of altaneous vasculitis (be my guest to interpret that foreign language) so I've got some meds and hope to be feeling much better by the end of the weekend although now I have to find some kind of treatment for the rather large hole in my right back pocket. All in all we were there for about five hours which I guess is fairly reasonable for an ER visit and based on my experience I would recommend a visit to your local ER for anyone looking for a day of fun, entertainment, and adventure. I would just suggest avoiding the "naked gown" at all costs. I'm sure there is plenty more of the "great frontier" for me to experience but in the future I think I'll be a little more hesitant to "Go west young man!"

Keep us in your prayers and blessings to all